I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
