I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
