I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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