I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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