I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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