I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
