So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
