when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
