i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Shame - the story of my life.
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