I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you never un-have a 4some
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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