what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
