I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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