you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
