The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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