No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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