Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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