laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
