It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
