is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
