Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
