I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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