I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
