i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
