Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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