What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
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So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
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I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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