What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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