it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
