Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
