his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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