I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
