you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
