does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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