Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
