You just made me feel so damn special
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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