I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
