i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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