u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize