If i come over, it means nothing
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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