hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.