He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
