He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.