Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
