Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
