I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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