i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if only i could text you this smell
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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