worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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