Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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