The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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