after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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