I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
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I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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