I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like iHOP with fire
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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