i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize