Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
