Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
