:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
