3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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