please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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