she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
