Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
