True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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