Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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