god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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