After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
