she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
