He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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