Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
