home. puking in laundry basket.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
