I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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