Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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