she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
