She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
