Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
